Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Building a universe and breaking people!!!

Good afternoon interweb and how are you today, I’m mildly annoyed. My desktop pc has been infected with some sort of malware that none of the security programmes recognise and it’s becoming bloody annoying if I’m honest. Every two or three web pages a popup appears to tell me to check my BMI as I’m too fat or to get a credit card from some company or other. Either that or a stupid game appears. I wouldn’t mind too much but I have even uninstalled flash so they shouldn’t even work. Damn things.
In other news I believe I have actually mentally broken another human being, it wasn’t particularly on purpose and she did deserve it to be honest but I think she is broken, maybe not beyond repair but it may take some therapy.
You see I was off to pick Fi up from the train station last night and as I pulled in to the pick up area there were several cars already parked and a taxi in front of me. The aforementioned taxi did what all taxi’s do and parked to drop off it’s customer in a manner that meant no other vehicle could pass let alone my Yank tank.
So I sat and waited patiently till the passenger and his 4 cases were out of the vehicle.
In the meantime the young student looking lady in her Ford KA had been joined by her student looking male passenger and had decided that it was time they were out of there, however my rather clumsy and large vehicle was in her way and so she appeared to be under the impression that by leaning on her horn my vehicle would magically shrink to fit through the gap left by the taxi that was blocking my way.
I sat patiently and ignored her.
This seemed to irritate her to the point that she felt the need to get her scrawny 6 stone wet to the bone body out of the car and begin waving her arms around and shouting.
 My vehicle still didn’t shrink to fit through the gap but I did at this point feel the need to exit my own vehicle and look at the young lady who’s gob shut tightly at that very point.
I began to explain to her the way that particles exist and how solids liquids and matter interact with one another and how it was physically impossible for me to get through the gap left by the taxi in a very calm but firm voice.
her male companion was shifting somewhat uncomfortably in his seat and he closed his eyes as the words
“now get back in your little cream egg of a car and think about what you have done!!!” fell from my lips.
You could actually spot the exact second that she broke, her eyes widened and she began talking in what can only be described as tongues, it wasn’t English or comprehensible in any way and she seemed a trifle annoyed by my comment.
It was at this point that Fi hoaved into view looked at the situation, shook her head and got into the car. The taxi had by this point also moved so I got into the car and drove away leaving the young lady in what appeared to be an apoplectic state with her head looking like it was about to explode.
I went to pick up a kebab and have a glass or two of red wine content with the way I dealt with the situation in such a calm manner.
Despite working most of the weekend I did have a most pleasant one, in fact it was wonderful brilliant and amazing and even at work it was for the most part pleasant with some lovely people on shift.
I do however find between visits that I think more than I probably should. Ive been thinking about how to build a universe, I think I might be quite good at it.
You see on the way back from Northern Ireland I took a photograph that shows just how small and effective we actually are in the big scheme of things, A wind farm off the coast of the Wirral, these things are massive but put in context against nature, the sea and the sky they are really quite pathetic. So I thought about how we as people might actually have some sort of effect if only we could figure it out.
The basic ingredients of building a universe are Matter, energy and space but been as matter and energy are essentially the same thing we just need space and energy.
There is an age old question of “did God create the universe?” Whilst I don’t know for sure what I do know is that the universe could have just popped into existence. Contrary to many people’s view, mainly because they don’t understand quantum physics I think that the universe did not need a God to create it.
You see, subatomic level protons and their mates can appear and disappear (quantum mechanics) and this means that the universe could have in fact just appeared in a mahoooooooosive explosion.
Now if there was nothing before the big bang then there was no time. If there was no time before the big bang there was no time for a universe creating god to exist.
We know that there was nothing before the big bang because the universe expanded faster than the speed of light and as physics tells us, nothing travels faster than the speed of light then the universe must have expanded into nothing.
Well if that hasn’t given you pause for thought interweb I don’t know what will.
Right then, I suppose I may as well go and do some work interweb, It keeps me out of trouble and interacting with people who I may inadvertently break!,
But I will leave you with this thought ,
Fairytales don’t tell children that dragons exist, children know dragons exist. Fairytales tell children that dragons can be killed!!
Peace out yall THE BAGSTAXXX

Thursday, 13 June 2013

End of the world, Sunrise! and banana bread!!!

Good evening interweb, it has been over a month since we have had a chat and what an eventful month it has been.
The end of the world is nigh!!!! It is true, I have seen people wearing baseball caps the correct way round. I mean really, and not just 12 year olds which are the only people that should be allowed to wear them back to front. Anybody else who does this just looks like a twat to be honest.
I have seen some of the “bruvvers” at the gym wearing them correctly which I am sure is mentioned in some religious tomb of some sort,
 “and let it be known that when the bruvvers wear their baseball caps the correct way round and stop looking like retarded gophers then the end will indeed be coming!!!”
With this in mind I have begun to wonder what the end of the world will look like, will we recognise it or will we just pass it by as we do so many things.
You see interweb we take so many wonderful things for granted, or we totally fail to recognise just how amazing they are.
 Look at the moment every day when the sun breaks the horizon on our day.
 We see this because we are on a planet rotating at 1040 mph which itself is in an orbit around the sun and travelling at 67,062 mph through space and we call it a sunrise!!!! Sunrise? Pathetic.
The light from the sun actually takes just over 8 minutes to reach us as it travels funnily enough at the speed of light. This has also caused me to think about the physics of the big bang and what was there before the big bang.
You see the laws of physics tell us that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. Therefore there was nothing before the big bang, because at the moment of the big bang the universe expanded faster than the speed of light into nothing.
And now for something completely random, Mrs Banana Bread.
The universe is at the moment still expanding and it is actually speeding up in it’s expansive expanding, a lot like my belly despite the going to the gym again. 
You see the problem is my eating is very much like an expanding universe. It is hard to slow down once it has gained some momentum.
The Universe however is expanding like a bun in the oven and the currents in it are getting further away from one another just like our solar system has other solar systems racing away from it as the universe expands. In a billion years or so we will be alone in a dark night sky a solar system just hanging there in the blackness of space. 

Or will the universe begin to collapse back in on itself? Everything in the universe, all the matter and antimatter collapsing back into a singularity of nothingness and then in that instant big bang again forming another universe?
Maybe in this new world baseball caps will be made to be worn back to front but for now interweb, Your world is made of your memories, and your memories are given to you by your world. 'This is the world. This is the way things are. Look. Pay attention. Never forget.
Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX

Friday, 3 May 2013

Planes, Boats and Dolphins!!!

Well hello interweb, I trust I find your ones and zero's are all in good order.
I am currently sheltering in my rather large beach villa on the island of Eriyadhoo in the north Male atoll in the Republic of the Maldives.
The reason I am sheltering is that it is currently under monsoon conditions which means that the rain is coming down so hard it would make your head bleed.
Shouldn't really complain as this is my sixth trip during the monsoon season and I am sure the weather will change again. It was a good 34 degrees and bright sunshine most of yesterday.
The journey here was a change from the usual eleven and a half hour direct trip as decided to fly Emirates this time which meant a change in Dubai.
The Airbus A380 800 is an amazing aircraft where even in economy you feel like you are travelling first class. You even get a proper knife and fork and your wine is served from a bottle. The trolley dollies aren't just trolley dollies, they're Marks and Spencer trolley dollies. They look like super models but without the attitude and are very helpful with no rolling of the eyes.
Landing in Dubai there was a 2 hour stop over till the next flight departed which didn't leave much time to do any shopping and find the next gate which was a good twenty minute walk away but at least I didn't have to recover any suitcases and drag them around.
The second flight on to Male was on a more familiar 777 and it felt I had been afflicted by what I can only describe as an invasion of Germans, too soon to use that phrase? not sure but I can't think of any other term to be honest.
 The last two hours of the flight was quite uncomfortable for my back after the operations in November and December but was still a lot less painful than before the ops.
Stepping off the plane in Male the heat and humidity hit me like an old friend. Yes even my friends hit me I'm so popular;)
After filling out the disembarkation forms when I eventually got my hands on one during the bun fight to get hold of one the trip to find the island representative was underway.
I had now been travelling for 22 hours and been awake for 24 so was starting to feel a little cranky, this was not lessened by the distinct lack of representative. I soon remembered that we were now on Maldivian time, this makes Jamaicans look like they are on cocaine and speed cocktails. So I took a deep breath and chilled.
Eventually the rep arrived and after about an hour sat in 32 degrees 90% humidity my dishevelled tired ass was plonked onto a speed boat and the journey to the island began.
This was supposed to be a 45 minute transfer but the fact that the twin Yamaha outboard engines packed up 4 times on the way it took a shade longer to arrive.
On arrival I had to put on my most cunning hat as we had only booked a standard room on All inclusive and I had no intention of staying in a standard room if at all possible.
The trip adviser bag tags were already in place and I had somehow on route managed to misplace our receipt / voucher which had our details on. So after filling in the forms at reception which ask how many times you had visited the Maldives before off we went to a deluxe room on the North of the island (sheltered side), free upgrade, who doesn't like that?
Eriyadhoo is a very relaxed chilled out island which is frequented mostly by divers so the beaches all around the island are for the most part empty, all day.
After sat frying in the sun for a few hours I decided to have a short snorkel to test out mask etc and make any adjustments. Took the new underwater camera and took a few test shots and all seemed well.

After spotting a small pod of 4 dolphins slowly swimming past I decided to try and head them off and get a few shots.
Well as people who know me know, that if I didn't have bad luck I'd have none at all, the camera decided to flood and fill itself with sea water which is never good. As a result there are no photographs of dolphins and I suppose I can't really be that unlucky if I'm here in the first place so after laughing the situation off I have now dug out my old faithful fuji finepix wp. Not anywhere near as good quality but better than nothing I guess.
The new one is currently sat in a bad of uncooked rice hoping to revive it ($5.00 for a bag of rice seemed a bit steep but if it works worth it.)
Well interweb the rain appears to be abating a little and things seem to be brightening up a little so I'm off to lather myself in factor 50 gazzillion sun cream and hopefully Greenpeace will leave me alone this year and not keep trying to roll me back in the ocean.

Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX