Saturday, 24 November 2012

Staples, jellyfish and black holes!!!!

Well good afternoon interweb, I told you that we would become reacquainted in the not too distant future due to an operation and recovery time and here we are.
Once again I shall roll and revel in your one’s and zero’s and drivel will flow from my finger tips like lightning from the sky, but enough of this frivolity.
I will now bore you briefly with the reason I have returned, I have time on my hands, this cannot end well and probably won’t but when I have time on my hands I think.
I have recently (Wednesday night) had an operation on a prolapsed disk in my spine.
I had this done in a private hospital which was I have to admit  frikking brilliant. I had my own room with flat screen TV en suite and a little buzzer which every time I pressed it a nurse arrived. How cool.
As has become custom with myself and operations I made a complete arse of myself in the recovery room and began singing songs from the Disney film Aladdin to the nurse, as if this wasn’t embarrassing enough I continued to sing all the way down the corridor back to my private room.
Maybe this is why I had a private room. They had been warned.
I have read a lot of stuff on the interweb about the operation, I have read that a lot of people whinge and whine and complain about it. All I can say is it’s the best damn thing to happen to my back ever, am I in pain? Yes I am but then so would anybody be with 12 staples in their back that look like an accident in a stationary cupboard but it is a lot less pain than the sciatic pain I was having.
Whilst I was trying to sleep after the operation an Eastern European nurse kept coming in to check my blood pressure and I wasn’t going to mess with her so I behaved and thought.
I thought about several things like the butterfly effect and how our oceans behave. Did you know that 40% of the biomass of our oceans comes in the form of jellyfish?

Whilst we may not think that they can have a great effect on the ocean itself if we sit back and look at the figures I think they have a much bigger effect than we may at first have thought. 40% of the biomass of the ocean moving, swimming wobbling. All of which creates energy, this energy is passed into the ocean and can contribute to a more violent ocean, storms tornado’s etc etc all from a wobbly little jellyfish, well from lots of wobbly jellyfish actually.
I also thought about one of my favourite subjects which is the big bang and I don’t mean the type you may get from a big Eastern European nurse either.
You see as popular understanding goes, the universe burst into existence and has been expanding ever since, just under 14 billion years ago.
Now this got me to thinking, before the universe came into being there was no time because time didn’t exist, there was matter and antimatter wobbling a bit like jellyfish come to think of it, and then matter fractionally outweighed antimatter thus we are here.

Now the thing is, this situation also exists within our universe itself. In a black hole. A black hole sucks in everything within its reach, not even light can escape its force. Time ceases to be in a black hole. Now think, all that matter, light, antimatter, energy all sucked into a black hole. What happens to it all? In my humble and some may say frikking mad eejit opinion, there could just possibly be some sort of wormhole at the other end of a black hole where just like our universe there is a mass explosion and all that matter, energy antimatter and light begins to expand into another parallel universe. The physics backs me up on this but popular rational thinking people will probably send for the men with the huggy huggy jackets and ill be locked up in an asylum with a large Eastern European nurse to look after me.
Whilst we are on the subject of universes etc I would like to point out to you all that our solar system is actually on a collision course with Andromeda.
Andromeda is 2.5 billion light years away but it is getting closer. It is like our system a spiral galaxy made up of a heck of a lot of stars. In around 3 billion years our system will collide with Andromeda, 3 trillion stars will collide to make a super galaxy and I for one would love to see that. It would make New year firework displays pale into insignificance.
Speaking of light, the day did finally break into my private room in the form of Rachel, a non Eastern European nurse, a young pretty Yorkshire lass with bits of her hair dyed purple and a little bit too much make up on but very pleasant all the same.
And so it comes to be interweb that I will leave you today with some drivel,
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation, and the most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little.
Peace out yall, THE BAGSTAXXX


  1. Aren't jellyfish dangerous? Maybe the oceans would be safer if the jellyfish in them got sucked into a black hole. Didn't there used to be one in Calcutta? If you've still got an eye for the nurses, you can be sure you'll make a full recovery.

  2. Why thank you Bananas, yes there is still a large black hole in Calcutta. I wouldn't reccomend going near it though and whilst some jellyfish can be a little on the dangerous side they do offer a lot to the planet.
    So do plankton, those little unassuming things that are eaten by Whale Sharks and rays supply around 50% of the planets oxygen, far more than the rain forests.
    Im sure my eye for the nurses is a very good sign that I will make a full recovery. Cheers, keep on swingin:)