Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Patience, Darwin Awards and bacon!

Good afternoon interweb, Ive been trying to learn how to be patient and calm in an effort to keep my blood pressure at its new lower level but it seems that some people can truly try your patience to the point of breaking it and many other items in the immediate vicinity.
Take for instance the young lady who called me from a legal firm to ask me about insurance cover for my employees. I calmly informed her that I was a sole trader and as such had no requirement for the aforementioned insurance.
“So you have less than 3 employees then” came the rather high pitched reply.
I don’t know how to spell the sound of my phone hanging up but that is what I did.
I truly despair, I am learning to just put the phone down or simply turn and walk away from conversations these days as I have worked really hard to lower my blood pressure and I can do without these people interfering with my calm existence.
Natural selection will eventually find them out and their deaths will be the source of great amusement on the interweb as Darwin Award winners. A fair few people have actually won Darwin Awards for their planking efforts, take this guy for instance, 
im afraid if I saw somebody doing that I may well give natural selection a helping hand.
Or this one, not quite a Darwin award winner but when smart arse no it alls are about anything can happen.
“Working in the powerplants shop of a Navy squadron, brought many opportunities to observe people who always seemed to be just on the edge of extinction, but somehow managed to survive. Our shop had a large table with a drip pan built into the top where components removed from jet engines were worked on. Jet fuel does not vaporize as fast as gasoline and therefore is considered “safer” to be around. A small pool of jet fuel in the drip pan was nothing to be concerned about and the guys would sit around smoking while someone a few feet away was working on a fuel control. One day a petty officer was showing a new airman recruit how to rig a fuel control. The young airman was concerned about all the smoking going on with fuel around. The petty officer decided to show off his vast store of knowledge to the young sailor and explained that jet fuel was so safe, one could drop a lit cigarette into it and it would not explode because of its low flash point. To illustrate, he flicked his cigarette butt into the small pool of fuel that was sitting in the drip pan… and walked around for the next month with red skin, no facial hair, eyebrows or eyelashes and a hairline that had suddenly receded. His effort to show off did not, however go unrewarded. The squadron featured a picture of his burned face on a nice big safety poster.”
The above story reminds me of pulling into a petrol station before driving over the Alps and a French bloke was happily filling his car whilst smoking a cig. There is a line in a Janes Addiction song that goes something like “some people should die, that’s just unconscious knowledge” and how!
In  totaly unrelated news I braved the supermarket  yesterday to get some bacon and there was a small boy with his mother, the boy was maybe six or seven and was holding a pack of bacon reading what it said on the packet.  “The Co Op British Unsmoked Rindless Back Bacon” he then turned to his mother and said “that’s a lot of adjectives” Well I couldn’t control myself and burst out laughing, his mother looked at me and simply said in an exasperated voice “they grow up so quickly you know”
This small boy probably has a higher IQ than the girl working for the law firm!

Peace out yall THE BAGSTAXX

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