Friday, 12 August 2011

Save the planet - eat your dog, oh, and cat!


Good afternoon interweb, and what a glorious day it has been so far, despite the torrential rainfall and dull overcast leaden skies above. The sun did indeed rise again today and promptly ignored all my little irritating problems.
I went to pick Fi up from work last night and we diverted only just in time to Tesco on Eccy road. This is smaller than the usual Tesco store that I visit but is never the less no less infested with retards morons and “things” that should have long been removed from the human gene pool.
Take swampy for instance, an eco warrior if ever I saw one. Dreads, unwashed, medium sized underfed dog going all frowny at me for filling the basket with as much meat as I possibly could. It was this last fact that got me on to remembering a few little facts that can be used to really piss off these eco warriors when they have a go at me for driving round in an Isuzu trooper SUV.
“You wanna save the planet swampy?” Eat your dog then.
Now this at first may well appear to be a pretty daft statement to make but the facts add up. An average sized family dog leaves a larger eco footprint, or paw print if you will than 2 Toyota Land Cruisers.
 Cat’s aren’t much better, The estimated 7.7 million cats in the United Kingdom kill more than 188 million wild animals every year. And cat shit, which can contain the disease Toxoplasma gondii, has been blamed for killing sea otters and may have a hand in causing schitzophrenia in humans..
So how do we come to these ridiculous assumptions I hear the tree huggers cry, well whilst I am willing to point out how these assumptions come about I am far too long in the teeth to expect any of you to accept the reasoning or for that matter consider eating fido the Eco Hummer that he actually is. (in other words, don’t bother bombarding my in box with your pathetic excuses of how this is all floored because the scientists that did the study were not members of green peace, save the gay whale or grow your own spuds and fertilize them with your own waste monthly)
So here you go anyway
, it takes an estimated 1.1 hectares of land per year to create the chicken and grain that a large dog eats for its food. A Toyota Land Cruiser SUV, driven 10,000 kilometres a year, would use .41 hectares of land, less than half that of the dog.
What the findings do not point out however is the positive benefits of owning a dog or cat. Whilst the latter could make you schizophrenic at least you would have somebody to talk too on the long winter evening whilst stroking pussy. 

Dog’s, brilliant companions and Id have 4 if I was around enough to look after them properly, What with inter galaxy parallel universe jumping and all that it wouldn’t be fair on the dog,  and not just to piss off swampy who is now looking all confused. You get to take them walks thus getting regular exercise which in turn releases dolphins into the blood stream which makes us feel happy.
So please do not actually now go and eat your dog and go all North Korean on us, take it for a walk and maybe...... just maybe....... stop been such an annoying twit and trying to lecture me on the evils of me driving an SUV or I will eat your dog,......and cat if I can catch it.
Peace out y'all THE BAGSTA XXX
N.B. No dogs or cats were eaten during the writing of this post, for tea however..........

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