Saturday, 20 August 2011

Life and Death, the lazy bastard!

Good morning interweb. Today I feel oddly refreshed, odd because I've just done 60 minutes of pretty intense cardio exercise which made me sweat, a lot. I seem to have hit a brick wall now and am not losing anymore weight and the spare tractor tyre is diminishing somewhat slower than it was. However I can’t remember ever feeling this fit at any time in my life before which brings me to the subject of life. Well actually death.
Death is the termination of the biological functions that sustain a living organism. The word refers both to the particular processes of life's cessation as well as to the condition or state of a formerly living body.
The nature of death has been for millennia a central concern of the world's religious traditions and of philosophical enquiry, and belief in some kind of afterlife or rebirth has been a central aspect of religious faith. In modern scientific enquiry, the origin and nature of consciousness has yet to be fully understood; any such view about the existence or non-existence of consciousness after death therefore remains speculative.
The concept of death as a sentient entity has existed in many societies since the beginning of history. In English, Death is often given the name Grim Reaper and, from the 15th century onwards, came to be shown as a skeletal figure carrying a large scythe and clothed in a black cloak with a hood.

I have found that death is a lazy bastard to be honest. With over 180.000 people dying on a daily basis you would think that he was quite busy but on several occasions when I have been knocking on his door the lazy sod has been sat with his feet up listening to old zeppelin albums and picking bits of food out of his teeth with a skeletal finger.
"hi death, hows tricks" "fuck off I'm busy" "OK" and just like that I'm back with the living. He really should try harder you know. On one occasion he was actually out at work, or maybe off out picking up a pizza or something because he wasn't home anyway. So there I stood at deaths door and there was an intercom thingy with some buttons on it. Tentatively I pressed the one marked "please press for assistance" A very pleasant female voice informed me that death was unable to come to the door at this moment but to please take a seat and he will be right along as soon as he is able, alternatively press one of the other buttons for a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life and will absolutely not improve the quality of your death.
Well not been one to look a gift horse in the mouth I promptly fucked off and am still here today. I bet he's spitting feathers with the amount of times he's missed me. lol.
Right I'm off to watch some cricket I think.

Peace out y'all THE BAGSTAXXX

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