Sunday, 14 August 2011

Existence, Nurse Ratched and opticians!

Well hello interweb again, I have been quite busy since our last meeting and have been musing over many things. Well my brain has at least, my body has just been kinda going through the motions of it's sorry existence trying to cope with the grief that I have an annoying habit of throwing at it. I have bruises that I have no idea from whence they came but they are there all the same. You see this is the problem when your brain and your body are out of sync.
Anyway all that aside, I have been wondering and pondering over the reason for our existence. Are we here for a reason? Do each of us have a purpose that we need to fulfil in our lifetime? and if we fulfil it is that it, time to die, shuffle off this mortal coil as an actor who's final line has been read? Are our lives all pre planned?
I do sometimes have to wonder as I have tried on several occasions to depart this life through monumental fuck ups on my part only to wind up a little broken but not really that much worse for wear.
Maybe I have some task which I have to perform before I can rest, save a fluffy white kitten from a burning building which in turn will grow to be the familiar of a super villain who will in turn take over the world!
Well just in case I have no intention of saving any feline creature from any burning building, sod that for a game of soldiers, it would probably make me schizophrenic. I was working last night in my part time job as a mobile doctors assistant, sounds very grand but what it really entails is driving around in a marked car full of drugs with flashing lights on top. And they pay me to do this!!!!!!
We were visiting one poor old dear who needed a little help, could not communicate very well and was very poorly, so the doctor called for the nurse carers, I use the word carer very loosely as the two miserable women who turned up would have made nurse ratched look like mother Theresa.

 They pulled up in their car so close to the front of mine you wouldn't have got a rizzla paper in the gap so that they didn't have to walk their fat magnets further than needed.
I used my "smile and look happy technique" on them, oh dear, for the first time it failed to get a response, nothing, not even a twitch in the facial expression of either "toot" or "ploot"!
One of them had a look that I imagine you would have if somebody had just whacked you in the face with a shovel! and a very large snow shovel at that.
The other resembled a large cream cake but not quite as pleasing on the eye, I can only assume by their general demeanor that it was cream cakes that we were disturbing them from eating and hence the ice cold reception, seriously, a look that would freeze lava. If your that unhappy in your job get another job please.
On a totally unrelated subject I broke my glasses last week and as they are out of warranty I couldn't really see me getting them replaced without charge but my complete failure to raise a smile from the bloody toxic twins mentioned above made me wonder about my faith in smiling. So it was with a feeling of happy trepidation I jumped in the truck and drove myself round to the opticians, who were very busy and could I please wait over there. Smiling I agreed. After a short wait the very young and very pretty assistant manager came over to me and I explained my dilemma whilst looking  her straight in the eyes and smiled a genuine smile, well she was very pleasing to look at. ( but sadly not wearing stockings like the lady who tested my eyes. ) Hey presto my faith is restored and I have a new pair of glasses on order at no charge.
Maybe toot and ploot were actually from another planet and in disguise hence the no facial movement, it was a mask. Actually probably not, nobody could make a mask that insipid without losing part of their sanity. Well now my long awaited dinner is almost ready and so I shall once again bid you farewell.

Peace out y'all, THE BAGSTA

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