Thursday, 14 July 2011

Personal trainers, ozzy's lawyer and Damien..........

Hello interweb, Ive had a mixed couple of days,
First off I would like to announce that I now have a personal trainer! Yep, I never thought it likely either but the world is a strange place and far stranger things than me having a personal trainer occur on a regular basis.
He is called Michael and is a fraction of my age and fit as a butchers dog.
He introduced me to something called “circuit training”. Ouch I think it must have been invented by the third Reich as some sort of torture system to get captured allies to give up their secrets. Who'd have thought I could do one sit up nevermind 30 whilst holding a 3 KG medicine ball!!!!
He seems to take some sort of pleasure out of me calling him names from my vast repertoire  of insults. I must confess he does take the abuse well all things considered but then the pain inflicted upon myself is also considerable, however it is working, the waistline is getting thinner and the scales have stopped screaming one at a time please.
The neighbours from hell are still continuing to do the hammer drill bang bang saw hammer drill concerto in c minor and after two fucking years it is starting to REALLY annoy me now.
I called Ozzy Osbourne’s lawyer the other day to check if it is legal in this country to disembowel him and rip the heifer’s unborn child from her womb and eat it before their still twitching bodies..... apparently it is not legal to do so.  I will then just have to rely on that Karma thing then, it worked before and I'm sure it will again,
I'm going to call their child Damien, boy or girl Mark or Mary, I will call it Damien, that should annoy them enough that they start trying to avoid me. That would suit me down to the ground.
Right then I am going to attempt to do that walking thing which after circuit training is actually not that easy to do but if I want food it’s that or maybe I could just wriggle on the ground and down the stairs to the fridge.........now there's an idea :)
Peace out yall THE BAGSTA XX

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