Yesterday I had to go on a compulsory training day for my part time job. It was a conflict resolution course. I attended willingly and think I may even be paid for attending.
Got there and the other attendees on the course were 15 women, great. Spending the day with 15 women on a conflict resolution training course.
I did however discover that phrases such as “kick em in the nuts” and “smack em upside the head” and “knock some sense into em” have no place on a conflict resolution course, at least not one attended by 15 women.
Apparently the whole self defence thing is a bit of a minefield as well. If somebody is trying to kill me, I am entitled to defend myself and if that requires me to kill them to prevent my own death then that is perfectly acceptable. However if I stab them 37 times and then kick the lifeless corpse a few times in anger, then this is not considered self defence. But honestly, who out there when you've taken some arsehole down who was having a go at you is not going to give em a swift kick whilst they're down?
In conclusion, I would just like to say nernernanerner to all those people who said I would fail the course as I have a stickyfoot, I mean certificate to prove it. The sticky foot was something else that I will not discuss here.
On a totally unrelated note I am going to have to have serious words with myself, well actually my body. My brain, contrary to popular belief is fine. My body on the other hand is running wild, 06.00hours this morning it decided I should wake up. WTF. I lay in bed thinking sod that I'm going back to sleep as my body swung its legs out of the bed and padded to the bathroom. Hang on a minute. It’s 06.00 hours go back to bed now. Nope, my body would have none of it and continued to feed itself put itself into some gym clothes and take itself off down the gym. I tried to go back to sleep whilst it carried out these acts but all the jumping about and running kept me awake.
The other thing I have learned today is to never poke a panda, they may look cute squishy and furry and all that but the fuckers poke you back, wear dresses and a lot of them know martial arts. You have been warned.
Peace out y'all THE BAGSTA XXX